Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
