walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she looked like the before picture.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
