Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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