I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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