im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
