OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think your dad took our porno
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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