I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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