PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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