Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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