I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
