Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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