A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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