Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
