my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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