I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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