Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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