so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
