i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
