so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
