honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
