About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
