You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
