I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
