i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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