its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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