I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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