I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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