The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
