Fine. I'll sleep in my office
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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