I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
