Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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