So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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