smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
