O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
