Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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