I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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