the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
