I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she told me i tasted like america
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think people are normalizing furries
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
