Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
