as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
ttyl tear gas
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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