omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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