Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
