Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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