Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
