Can i not drive my cunt home
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
