There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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