I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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