I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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