Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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