her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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