note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
