I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
