wakey wakey hands off snakey
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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