I bet he comes in French.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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