if i can run in heels then i can drive
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
