But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
