If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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