haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
