mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
